Fake Metermen


January, 2013

My family's Christmas in Florida was super wonderful. It was after midnight, cold and rainy, when I arrived home Friday, December 28 with Dortha and Dale. Among the 11 phone messages, two were from nieces telling me that Donnie (my husband's only sister) died last night. My terrific neighbors, Mark and Don, had taken care of all my mail and newspapers, placing it on the desk in my garage. I read letters until 4 a.m.; then, slept until 4 p.m. Saturday!

I talked with relatives about Donnie; read all my junk mail and scammed through magazines and newspapers, putting aside the sections with funnies and puzzles to work later. Now, I went to sleep at 4:a.m. again. I did not plan to go to church because of the cold weather. If I get too chilled, I have heart failure -- been there, done that! My doorbell rang at 12 noon awakening me.

It takes a while for me to get out of bed, put on a robe, walk with the aide of my walker from my bedroom across the den, breakfast room and kitchen to the entrance door. The long white van was backing out of my driveway. I wondered who it could be. They stopped and returned close to my door beside the garage. A young man dressed in a navy jumpsuit, greeted me with a big smile saying he was from the Water Company. "There's been a leak in the sewage system and the bad water is now flowing into the drinking water. I need to check your lines to see if it has reached your house. I think your meter may be in the back yard. Is that right?"

"I'm not sure. There are meters everywhere."

"Would you come with me to your backyard? I'll need to cut your water off for at least 35 minutes, while we are checking out the neighborhood."

"I don't need to do that. You're welcome to go back there."

"I appreciate that, but I just don't feel right walking around your back yard without you."

"The gate is locked. I'll give you a key. I'm not able to walk across grass. I use a walker."

"That may not be necessary. Do you have a blueprint, or house plans that would show me where all the water lines are to your house?"

"Not that I know of. I've been here since 1967."

This man had a phone in his hand In the van was another man, whom I could not see, but he would talk to the one at the door, and I could hear the conversation over the phone. He said, "We've got to hurry. I know you are new on the job. We have a lot of territory to cover. Just check her water inside to see if it is green, yet."

The man at the door said, "If I can check your water in your kitchen and bathroom, we'll know if the contamination has reached your property."

I unlocked the stormdoor. He walked over to the kitchen sink and turned on the water. I walked to my desk and dialed Mark's phone. When he answered, I said, "Mark, will you please come to my house?"

Mark asked, "You mean like right now?"

"Yes, please, right now."

The man in my kitchen offered no identification and none was on his jumpsuit or the van.

I suddenly realized I'm doing this all wrong. I should have called Mark first!

The man said my water was o.k. but that I should watch it during the next hour to make sure it is safe. He continued, "If it is not clear, or shows any coloration, call us immediately."

As he walked out the kitchen door, I called Mark on the phone again and told him what had happened. Mark immediately called the Constable, then called me again, saying, "The police will be scouring the area, and the Constable will come by for a statement from you.

I was perfectly calm throughout this ordeal. But when it was over, I felt weak, trembling, flashing pictures that these men were NOT from the Water Company…that one was luring me out to the back yard while the other would be stealing things in my house! I see this often on TV. We need to ACT out my experience, before it happens, so I will know the routine of what to do. A prayer helped to calm my body. "Dear God, please forgive my stupidity. Thank You for being with me. The man did not check my bathroom! He was a fake! THANK YOU, GOD."

Enough scary stuff! How about some laughter? While Christmas shopping, my brother Jerry and I discovered some "No Tear Toilet Paper!" We grabbed all they had on the shelf -- 8 rolls, and began laughing almost uncontrollably, thinking of the fun we'd have during the Christmas holidays with all our families! First, we planned to test it on Joni (Jerry's wife). He called me the next day with his report!

He loaded the holder in their bathroom and patiently waited for Joni to make the trip. She did, and not a word was said! He went in to investigate. The No Tear roll was tossed on the floor and a fresh Charmin Ultra-soft roll was in its place. He rolled off about 3 feet of the No Tear and glued it onto the end of the Charmin roll; then wound it up ready for Joni's next visit.

It happened! Joni wasn't happy! She stormed out of the bathroom and said, "I've been sitting in there trying to prepare a letter to write to the Charmin Toilet Paper Company. That last package we bought already has TWO defective rolls in it!"

Somehow, Jerry managed to be calm enough to ask, "What's defective?"

Joni said, "There's no perforations!" Jerry began laughing so hard there were tears!

Joni said, "That's NOT funny!" and Jerry told her, "It is if you got some trick paper!"

I took 5 rolls to Florida. Thursday afternoon, all the girls went shopping for "after Christmas sales." Mike and Jacob were fishing off the pier. Ronnie and Dale were in the den, reading books. It was a good time for me to answer my November mail, which I brought in case I had some free time. It was the best and last day to supply the No Tear Toilet Paper in all the bathrooms -- a private one in every bedroom. I loaded them in the tote bag on my walker.

The girls returned and began fixing supper. I just finished my last letter while sitting at the game table, when Dortha came over to set the table. I stood to walk toward the front entrance hall to put my letters there for mailing. Luckily, I saw Dortha pick up my file folder and writing materials. She tried to put them in between the tote bag handles on my walker, but the folder was too wide. Just as she started to lift the bag, which would have opened it, I said, "Oh NO! Let me put that back in my room!"

WOW! If she had opened my tote bag, she would have seen all those rolls of toilet paper!

While everyone was eating supper, I thought this was a perfect time for me to slip away and load everyone's bathroom. There are two entrances to the hall leading to three bedrooms at that end of the mansion. I took the one from the den to the half-bath, used by all while playing games in the den. (Here, I made a "pit stop"). The other entrance is from the kitchen. A large bar which seats six people is between the kitchen and den. I carefully passed this door. None of the busy eaters saw me! Then, I continued on to Mike and Rachel's bedroom.

I was about three feet in front of their bathroom when Mike walked out of the closed bathroom door!!! WOW! I was in shock! I said, "OH! I thought this was Dortha's room! Now, I remember: it's further down the hall!" and I quickly turned around and walked out! If only I hadn't stopped at the half-bath I would have left his room already.

I successfully loaded the other two bathrooms for Dortha and Dale and for Ronnie and Ethel Rose! Then, I entered the bedroom of Mike and Rachel again. Just as I was walking out of their bathroom, here came Mike in AGAIN! Would you believe it ??????? I was flabbergasted!

Speechless! What could I say? I could only just walk past him and leave their bedroom. What must he think? My bedroom is probably 75 feet in the opposite direction. Why was I in HIS room? I waited in the hall. He came out, grinning from ear to ear and said, "I know what you are

doing!" I laughed and said, "Don't you dare tell anyone…not even Rachel. I HAD to tell you. I couldn't imagine what you must be thinking about me getting caught TWICE in YOUR room! You must swallow your food whole to finish supper so quickly." He was laughing out loud!

Another year has begun. Let God put His arms around you and love you and whisper words of peace, then send you on your way with a new beginning and a new joy in your soul. You can't count your days, but with Jesus as your Savior you can make your 2013 days count.

TILLIE WIER, inspirational writer and employee of Logos Ranch, LLC shares her adventures with God so that others may see Him in their everyday lives.

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